A shame-free space for the curious to explore sexuality and consciously cultivated connection.

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Boundaries help us to maintain a sense of individual identity.
They are an expression of self-respect.
I see so many people going in to relationships, or already navigating them, without a value system.
Without knowing WHO YOU ARE and what you stand for it is near impossible to know what you're open to and what you're not.

Boundaries set the expectations for how people treat each other. They establish mutual respect for personal space, needs, and feelings. When boundaries are respected, relationships can thrive in a healthy and balanced way.

When we feel respected we feel more turned on!
When we feel valued and listened to we are more easily able to access our own erotic energy.

Without boundaries, a person might feel overwhelmed, used, or drained. Clear boundaries help prevent emotional burnout by allowing individuals to take care of their own needs and feelings.
When personal limits are not established or respected, people may begin to feel resentful. Over time, this can lead to conflict and hurt feelings.
I see this OFTEN in relationships.

When individuals understand each other’s limits, they can communicate more openly about their needs and desires without fear of crossing uncomfortable lines.
Boundaries help maintain individuality within a relationship. They allow people to preserve their sense of self, pursue their own interests, and avoid losing themselves in the dynamic of the relationship.
When boundaries are respected, trust builds naturally. Knowing that both parties understand and adhere to each other’s limits helps create a secure foundation for the relationship.

#healthyrelationships #relationshipcoaching #betterrelationships #intimacycoach #healthyboundaries #boundarysetting #lifeadvice #consciousrelating

We've all heard that comment before...
"Oh, we never fight."
As if conflict itself is such a taboo.
Which creates such an unrealistic expectation on relationships.
There is NOTHING wrong with disagreements. Having differing opinions is HEALTHY...
When we have effective conflict resolution skills that is.

I am always dubious of the couple that says they never fight (truth bomb: this was me in my marriage!) because much more often than not there are many conversations that are being avoided and many issues unresolved.

So, don't compare yourself to an unrealistic standard of cohesion.
When done so with respect and integrity, navigating conflict can bring you much closer as a couple.
Being able recognise someone else's viewpoints without making them wrong, or you right, is a great way to tend to the health and wellness of the relationship.

#coupleadvice #relationshipadvice #conflictresolutionskills #conflictrepair #couplescoach #wellnesscoach #communicationskills #communicationcoach #consciousrelationships #consciousrelating #datingcoach

Hello lovers of all genders, all orientations and all walks of life!!

Do you want to become an absolute legend with those luscious lips of yours?

A badass, blowjob babe?

My first e-book and online masterclass will be coming in 2025 giving you ALL the tips (BUT definitely NOT just the tip!!!).

Keep your eyes peeled and mouths salivating as these two wonder-liscious offers get ready to come at ya!

#baddie #bjqueen #intimacyadvice #relationshipadvice #betterrelationships #relationshipcoach #intimacycoach #betterintimacy #intimacyskills

Due to the stigma induced by current norms of masculinity we see devastating statistics like this.
R*pe myths may generate feelings of self-blame and shame, which discourage victims, male and female alike, from revealing their abuse. Amongst common gender-based rape myths, one reads “only gay men are raped; heterosexual men are not”. Such false beliefs reinforce secrecy, as well as the stigma induced by norms of masculinity.

(Easton et al)

One way we can combat this is to continue to question our own beliefs around SA and gender stereotypes and to participate in creating more safe spaces for men to be believed, as well as get the help they need.

#menswellness #malesurvivors #malesurvivorsofabuse #maleadvocacy #saawareness

Often when people hear "BDSM" they think leather, whips and dungeons (which absolutely can be an aspect of it).
HOWEVER, there is a common misconception that romance is excluded all together from kink play.
While romantic intimacy and BDSM may seem like polar opposites at first glance, both involve intense emotional connections and power dynamics between partners. In a well-balanced relationship, the lines blur between tender affection and Dominant/submissive roles.

Imagine a scenario where two people share an intimate bond built on mutual trust and respect. They engage in consensual BDSM play as a way to explore new levels of intimacy, vulnerability, and communication within their romance. The submissive partner might crave guidance and care from their dominant lover, while the Dom desires to nurture, protect, and satisfy their sub's deepest desires.

During these sessions, they would likely incorporate elements of role-play, sensory exploration (like bondage or flogging), breathplay (using oxygen deprivation for arousal), edging (teasing climax without release), forced orgasm control (denying one partner pleasure until given consent to cum) or temperature play (using heat or cold for sensation).

All of these areas of exploration can have acts of tender care and expression woven into them.

There are many partnerships (in and outside of traditional relationship dynamics) that find BDSM an aspect of their dynamic that brings them even deeper into love, trust, respect and care for one another.

So, although the paddles and hand-cuffs can havce a fun role in consensual kink play- don't assume that they are the only aspect of it, or that the experiences are completely void of deep romance.
And if you are someone who wants to begin exploring some aspects of BDSM but you're not sure how to do it in a way that captures your romantic side too then let me guide you with some 1:1 or couples coaching.

#consentculture #intimacycoach #bringbackromance #relationshipcoach #relationshipsupport

From the rom-coms that preach lines such as "I need you to complete me", to the degradation and sexualisation of women so prevalent in songs- who remembers "Blurred Lines" which was a global hit blatantly promoting r*pe culture?

So much of what we see and hear (either consensually or not) has an undertone of romanticising unhealthy attachment- whether it be codependency or straight up abuse.

All of which creates subtle programming within our concepts about love, relationship and s*x.

See what you notice next time you watch a movie, TV show, advert or listen to a song on the radio.
Once you see it you can't unsee it!

#consciousrelating #healthyrelationships #healthyrelationship #healthyattachment #metoo #metoomovement

Wohoo!!
You're ready to share your wildest and most exciting fantasies with your beloved.
🔥💞🔥💞🔥💞🔥💞🔥💞🔥💞🔥💞🔥
Here's some things to consider so that you have the most successful and §exy outcome to the convo...

➡️ The timing of the chat. Don't spring it on them when they're about to walk out the door to work. Ensure it's a time when you've both got space to be open and present.

➡️ Talk about what you already LOVE about your sex life already and let them know that these desires are not coming from a feeling of lack, rather a place of curiousity.

➡️ Check in with yourself first. Are these fantasies that you're sharing with a desire to bring to life or simply to explore the idea of and share with your partner so more of you can be witnessed. Knowing your ultimate desire will help you to share more clearly.

➡️ Let them know you're open to any and all questions either at the time or at a later date.

➡️ Be unattached to the outcome. If you're going in with an incentive or attempt to try and convince them into anything or to be completely understood the very first time entering into fantasy terrain you may come away disappointed or feeling rejected.

➡️ Participate in creating a shame-free space for this conversation to come alive. Try not to shame yourself or them as you learn more about one another through it.

AAAANND have some fun!
Bring in some energy of play and joy.
You never know what may come from it!
Remember. The more openly you share, the more authentically you're committing to your relationship which is something to celebrate in itself.

#shamefreespace #healthyrelationships #consciousrelationships #consciousdating #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #relationshipsupport #kinkfriendly

It is an art.
A way of being, communicating and connecting that requires refined skills and practice.
For most people it does not come naturally because we haven't been taught how to be in relationship to ourselves or others in this way.
AND just like anything worth having it is worth working for,
The absolute, ecstatic BLISS that awaits in the space of holistic intimacy is living at it's most delectable.

#holisticwellness #holisticintimacy #relationshipadvice #relationshipsupport #consciousrelating #wellnesscoach #datingcoach #datingadvice #consciousrelationships

Less about the final destination.
More about the journey!!

#betterrelationships #intimacycoach #intimacyadvice #intimacytip #pleasurecoach #consciousrelationships #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #healthyrelationships

There is SO much §exiness and sauciness happening behind the scenes, lovers!
I'm EXCITED as heck for everything that is going to be available VERY SOON.
Keep your eyes and ears out.
I'll be doing some HOT pre-sales in the NY for some of the content that you're going to want to get your hands on.
Think BJ tutorials, e-books to help you spice things up in the bedroom if it's been a wee bit lacking lately (we've all been there!), FUN podcast interviews (for all of you @sexwithmyex_podcast fans this is a Kitty CUMBACK!!) and so much more!

Website link in my bio xx

#shamefreezone #relationshipcoach #intimacycoach #consciousrelationships #intimacytip #relationshipadvice

➡️ 1. Identify Any Contributing Issues.
Are both or either of you particularly stressed, have health issues or have unprocessed trauma?
➡️ 2. Find A Trauma-Informed Somatic Therapist/Coach.
Seeking outside help for your marriage gives you both individual support and external support, as well as help to process any trauma/relationship issues.
➡️ 3. Open Communication.
This is much easier said than done! Consider timing/setting for conversations about your thoughts, feelings, desires. Although sometimes uncomfortable- on the other side of that you can become so much closer.
➡️ 4. Reestablish Your Emotional Connection.
Prioritise rebuilding emotional intimacy. Physical closeness often follows emotional closeness. Spend quality time together, share experiences, and show affection through non-§exual intimacy.
➡️ 5. Make Time For §ex.
As un-§exy it seems to schedule §ex into your calendar- creating intentional time for intimacy (whether penetrative or not) is important for re-establishing connection.
➡️ 6. Bring Play Into Your Relationship.
Life can make us so serious. Bring some adventure, fun and play back into your relationship. Shared joyful experiences can bring you closer together.
➡️ 7. Focus on Physical Wellbeing
Physical wellness can play a big role in §exual desire. Exercise, maintain a healthy diet, and get enough rest to help improve energy levels and libido. Health problems, including hormone imbalances or medication side effects, can impact §ex.
➡️ 8. Find Ways To Bring Romance In.
Get to know your partner's love languages and offer romantic gestures. Whether it be through gifts, acts of service or offering a massage.
➡️ 9. Be Patient.
With yourself and your partner. It make take time to bring intimacy back. See yourself as a team as opposed to you vs them.
➡️ 10. Make Your World §exy
Listen to podcasts, read books, get amongst §ex conversations to bring the energy of §ex into the rest of your world.

#intimacycoach #intimacycoaching #relationshipadvice #relationshipadviceforwomen #relationshipadviceformen #pleasurecoach #healthyrelationships #betterrelationships

Combining both the effectiveness of somatic therapy tools and powerful practical tools- individuals are gifted a workshop that brings clarity, healing and skills to have clearer communication and more deeply connected relationships.

2025 dates COMING SOON.
This workshop will be available both in person in the Bay of Plenty and online.

#communicationskills #communicationcoach #somatictherapy #somatictherapist #throatchakra #throatchakrahealing #consciousrelationships #betterrelationships #consciousdating #relationshipcoach #relationshipworkshop #communicationworkshop

Intimacy and mental health are closely linked, with healthy relationships positively impacting mental health and mental health issues negatively affecting relationships:
➡ Intimate relationships can help people feel supported, reduce feelings of loneliness and hopelessness, and protect against depression, anxiety, and stress disorders.
AND
➡ Mental health issues can make it difficult to express or accept love, and can negatively affect the quality of intimacy.

We ARE holistic beings.
Which is why there is such a deep correlation between our sexual wellness and our mental & emotional wellness.
And why it is so important to see through a scope that includes all parts of self.

Having better §ex and better relationships is all about looking at ALL of the areas that the individual or partnership would benefit from support and attention.

#healthyrelationships #relationshipcoaching #holisticwellness #intimacycoach #intimacytip #mentallwellness #pleasurecoach #shamefreesexed #betterrelationships

So many people consciously and unconsciously associate shame with §ex.

Whether it has come from culture, religion, family beliefs around §ex or people's own negative/harmful experiences, it has a vast and damaging impact.

It holds many captive and inhibits positive intimate experiences and relationships from being able to occur.

Great harm also happens when people with shame-based beliefs around sex harass and bully others for the way they express themselves.

The roles of somatic therapy and holistic healing play such a big part in helping shame shift and offer individuals the opportunity to feel much safer and liberated within their own bodies.

#shamefreepleasure #holistichealth #traumainformed #traumainformedcare #intimacycoach #consciousintimacy #holisticwellness #pleasurepositiveculture #pleasurecoach

As you find your voice and express your truths, you create more space for your body to experience plea§ure.

#intimacycoach #traumainformedcare #holisticwellness #traumahealing #mindfulintimacycoach #mindfulnesspractice #throatchakra #speakyourtruth #freeyourself

Mindful intimacy can transform into a profound form of meditation, fostering deeper connection and greater §exual experiences.

By using the breath, slowing right down and dropping into one another's energy you can access miraculous states of bliss that flow through the body, mind and soul.

If you want some guidance and tools to enhance your relationship then reach out.
There is SO much for us to experience when we integrate consciousness into the space of §ex.

#consciousrelationships #mindfulnesspractice #consciousrelating #intimacycoach #mindfulintimacycoach #relationshipgoals #relationshipadvice #tantra #holisticwellness

Worldwide anywhere from 25% to 70% of relationships are being reported as completely $exless.
There are a number of factors contributing to this with stress as one of the biggest libido killers.
Moving from a $exless relationship, or partnership with minimal intimacy, to a full blown $exfest can seem completely out of reach!

Play is a wonderful way to tend to the connection, as well as help alleviate any current stress.

Get involved in a hobby together or get to some fun social events. Dedicate time for games and play just for the sake of play.

By bringing in shared experiences of joy you're much more likely to feel closer and keen to engage in some naked time.

#relationshipadvice #consciousrelationships #intimacyeducation #intimacyeducator #holisticwellness #stressmanagement #relationshipcoach #intimacycoach #consciousdating

§exual traumas can often lead to dissociation between a person’s consciousness and their physical body. Somatic therapy aims to establish a new, strong sense of body connection and experiencing emotions, intimacy, §exuality, and sensuality.

During "top-up" therapy approaches there can be a risk of re-traumatising SA survivors through visualising and describing events. Whereas, with somatic therapy the body is able to heal through nervous system regulation and working with sensations and emotions.

#traumainformedcare #traumahealing #nervoussystemcare #holisticwellness #intimacycoach #holsitichealth #somatictherapy #somatichealing #somatictherapy

Many survivors of SA report ‘freezing’ during an assault. This is an involuntary response to a threat which can prevent a victim from actively resisting, and that it occurs throughout biology.
Freezing demonstrates a healthy survival instinct as research shows that people who fight or attempt to flee are more likely to sustain more physical injuries.
So many survivors are unaware that their body truly attempted to keep them as safe as possible by going into this parasympathetic trauma response.
And without this knowledge guilt, shame and confusion can play a big part in hindering recovery and healing.

#traumahealing #traumarecovery #nervoussystemhealing #traumainformedcare #traumainformedpractice

Physical, mental and emotional safety are directly correlated with how open and receptive our bodies are to intimacy.
When the focus is on creating an environment where everyone involved feels holistically supported it gives so much more opportunity for expansive §exual experiences.

#intimacycoach #intimacy #intimacytip #intimacysupport #consciousrelationships #consciousrelating #consciousdating #consciousdatingcoach

It can be challenging to know what to say if someone has confided in you that they have been §exually harmed.
Know that simply offering them a space to be believed and acknowledged in their experience is SO powerful.

#traumainformedcare #traumasupport #safespace #traumahealing #bethesafeplace #traumasurvivorsupport #traumaeducation #intimacycoach

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@theholisticsexologist

Meet The Holistic Sexologist

Embodied Relationship Coach & Intimacy Expert

I offer coaching services, courses, and live masterclasses for singles and couples to improve emotional, physical, mental and spiritual intimacy. My approach focuses on holistic healing and creating a safe space for individuals to explore their intimate potential and overcome challenges in a fun and sexy way. Whether you're looking to enhance your skills in the physical acts of love-making (think BJ tutorials and how-to guides to squirting orgasms) or you want to develop better communication skills in relationships then this is the place for you!

Learn More

What I Specialize In

Healing from Sexual Trauma

Cultivating Emotional Intimacy

Enhancing Communication in Relationships

Building Trust and Connection

Customized Coaching Programs

Discover More

Embark on a journey towards deeper intimacy and healing. Take the first step today by booking a consultation with The Holistic Sexologist.

Book a Session

"We hosted a session with Choiwee for our Wellbeing and Business Blueprint program and it was incredible. It was full of laughter and lots of learnings- focused on feminine energy and empowerment for women in business, it was loved by the attendees and myself as the host, one of the best hours I've had."

- C. de Hass

"Choiwee holds a safe and sacred space for deeply held emotions to be gently explored and brought through the body to be released. It was a powerful and healing group session that felt individual. I left feeling lighter with a sense of peace, and connectedness."

- R. Holden

"I attended Choiwee’s Communication & Conscious Relating workshop, and the impact of this session is still with me, even a week later. It has profoundly enhanced my ability to see myself more clearly and understand my own desires."

- S. Lewis

Book Now

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A shame-free space for the curious to explore sexuality and consciously cultivated connection.

Follow me on Instagram

Meet The Holistic Sexologist

What I Specialize In

Start Your Journey to Intimacy

Online Consultation

Let's Connect

Receive Our Weekly Intimacy Insights

A shame-free space for the curious to explore sexuality and consciously cultivated connection.

​

Follow me on Instagram

Meet The Holistic Sexologist

What I Specialize In

Start Your Journey to Intimacy

Online Consultation

Let's Connect

Receive Our Weekly Intimacy Insights